Category: 2015

I was in a taxi chatting with the driver; the usual conversations I seem to have with fellow immigrants: how long have we been here? Is the family with us? How often do we go back home to visit? Always delightful! Conversation soon drifted to soccer.

“We say football,” he tells me. “What this American name soccer? It is foot, because you use foot to kick ball, right?”

I agree with him. It is Football from the alleys of Jerusalem, Caracas, Abuja and covering the entire continents of Africa, Asia, Latin America, Europe and everywhere else.

Anyway, I asked him what he thought of the FIFA bribery scandal.

He turns around, “You know Maradona?”

“Of course!” I answered.

“Yes! Yes! Mees (Miss, endearingly pronounced by a Latino). Maradona talk about corroption (not a typo; it’s just how he pronounces it) and bribery for FIFA years ago!”

Indeed! It seems that the whole world has known about this for some years now. Did it take our Justice Department that long to put together their case, or was this the opportune political moment for the scandal to erupt? Just asking!

My friends, Marianne and Nancy (not their real names), have tuned out the world recently, and they have stopped watching, reading or listening to the news. “It’s just too much,” they said. “It seems as if there is some sordid scandal every other day! Pretty disgusting!”

In my mind, I reviewed some of those recent scandals:

There’s Hastert and his scandal with hush money paid out to cover sexual misdeeds. And is he the Only politician with ghosts in his closet? Believe it not!

Then the Duggars and that sexual molestation issue. Honestly, some of those “Holier-than-thou” evangelists are simply preposterous! How can they continue to preach piety to the hapless crowds that believe them and support their lavish lifestyles with their contributions? Pretty corrupt!

Migrants! By the boat loads, they are fleeing their countries. Moreover, is the Western World going to succeed in stemming their huge flow as they cross borders and brave oceans to flee their desperate conditions? Not happening! Not a chance. Unless, instead of all those trillions on arms and wars, we go to these places and help to fix them up so that people don’t need to escape? Much, much less costly than the money we are pouring in now to create more dysfunction all over the world. Heartbreaking! Scandalous!

I also recall that half million dollars worth of weapons that went “missing” in Yemen earlier this year? How does that happen? And all those millions upon millions misspent on mostly failed reconstruction projects in Afghanistan, in Iraq and, don’t forget Haiti! Remember all the millions collected from you and me? They rarely reached those who really needed them on that miserable island – and are still to this day in need of them. Corrupt!

Oh, but wait, because, here we go again, this time building “lily pads” in Iraq! Again? With a new spin, a different name, a bit more choreography. Don’t we ever learn? Then this, at a White House press briefing: we cannot do for the Iraqis (in fighting ISIS) what they must do for themselves (I’m paraphrasing)!!! That said with a straight face and none in the elite press corps attending challenged it! Hypocrites! Cowards! We invade and occupy Iraq, smash it to bits, dismantle it totally, choose one leader over another while ignoring the catastrophic repercussions of our choices and actions in order to bring about “freedom and democracy” and then we have the temerity, the audacity, the vulgarity to tell the traumatized, stricken Iraqis that they should do more for themselves? Seriously? Scandalous!!

Oh, wait! There’s more! The TSA – into which our government and its “Homeland Security” has poured millions upon millions for training, equipment and to ensure safety on airplanes – failed 95% of the testing in locating weapons at airports! Are we hauling anyone’s ass to jail for that? Scandalous! In addition, and despite the fact of the relentless and constant surveillance we are enduring, the records of millions of US Government Employees have been recently hacked. Does this mean that the billions of dollars spent on the security hullabaloo since 9/11 have merely produced a Paper Tiger? How does that happen? Mind-boggling!

G7, anyone? It was G8, you know, before those smart alecks and one sorry woman, cavorting in that exclusive club, decided to expel Putin. You’d think that Angela would have told them: Now, now, boys! Let’s just all play nice together, shall we? Instead, she played along! And what is that achieving? Has this club solved ANY world problems yet as they frolic around in medieval castles while our world is in this desperate Free Fall? Shameful! Disgraceful!

There is a young Black man, Kalief Browder, a Teenager at the time of his incarceration, who spent three years in Solitary Confinement, without a trial in Rikers Island. He committed suicide because of the beatings and trauma of that experience! A teenager! Three years? No trial? He is not the only one in a criminal corporate prison system that makes a farce out of “we are a country of laws!” As for Solitary Confinement and Capital Punishment? These are barbaric and inhumane! But, what should we expect from a government that sanctions Torture and is still at it! Scandalous!

And, only lately, Charleston, South Carolina exploded on our TV screens with news of Nine Black People mowed down by a white racist punk loser! The world is aghast! This is not only Scandalous, but, moreover, Totally Unacceptable and Blatantly Racist!

Moreover, that White cop in Texas throwing a Black bikini-clad Teenager on the ground and practically mauling her. Apparently, his excuse is that he was “stressed” and so took his frustrations out – gun in hand – on a group of Unarmed Teenagers! This is just one more example of mostly innocent black people (as well as other minorities) being specifically targeted. Scandalous, or what?

Until when is this to go on encouraged by some politicians who are oblivious to inane and inflammatory words like “We Need to Take Our Country Back” (from Whom, pray?) and “Our Religious Freedoms Are Threatened” (By Whom?) These are simply code words and innuendo for racism, bigotry and the preservation of white privileges! Ordinary people know what they really mean!

Lastly, need I mention that charade of a parade of the same old politicians vying for the title of POTUS in these United States? Are we again to buy into those rousing speeches with all their hollow promises? Moreover, with the billions being poured into this upcoming election are they to succeed in brainwashing the electorate again into voting and, sadly, believing that the promises this time will deliver? Seriously?

. . . and, of course, there’s much, much more unfolding Every Day! The Rot is seeping from the very top and oozing its way downward into all segments of society like a virus gone viral!

Frankly, and though I am neither Catholic nor anything else anymore these days, the Only World Leader making any sense at all currently is Pope Francis! FIFA? Convince Pope Francis and me that this is the Ultimate Case of Corruption! Not even close! Nevertheless, Truth, especially these days, cannot remain undercover anymore whether it concerns FIFA, our rotten politicians, or anything else.

But then, and to use an already overused comparison: we, ordinary citizens, are like that frog sitting in warm water that is slowly being heated up while it adapts and adapts some more until the water gets so very hot that it finally dies.

. . . and that, in a nutshell, is what is happening . . . unless we somehow jump out of that hot cauldron, get involved, speak out and vote all the corrupt scoundrels out?

Mind you, and just in case you think that I am being too critical of the United States, these scandals are not only happening here. Across the world, and in the majority of its countries, the ruling classes and their cohorts are behaving in similar corrupt ways. Scandalous! Deplorable! Unsustainable!

You, Reader, and you, my friends Marianne and Nancy, do you feel that you cannot do anything about all this corruption? Have you no other options than tuning out? Really? So, are you that wretched, helpless frog simmering in hot water? Just asking!

To all my Friends and Readers celebrating the beginning of the Muslim Holy Month on June 17^th: Ramadan Kareem to all of you!

. . . and to all my male Friends and Readers celebrating Father’s Day on June 21^st: Happy Father’s Day to you!!

Background: Father’s Day was proposed in 1910 by a woman called Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington who wished to honor her father. It was officially adopted in 1966 by President Lyndon B. Johnson as a day for the US to celebrate fathers as much as we celebrate mothers on Mother’s Day.

Traditionally, and up until the beginnings of the past century, fathers were mostly the sole Providers, the Breadwinners, that Dominant and Powerful presence in the lives of families and communities. If we can bring back voices from past centuries, we would hear mothers across the breadth and length of this planet shouting at their children:

Just wait until your father gets home!

I’m going to tell your father about what you did!

Your father will punish you for this!

And most fathers did, indeed, punish with the mild tongue-lashing or the dreaded whip and everything in between! However, other than fathers wielding that intimidating power, male (and some female) rulers and church officials also did that. The license to punish seeped from the top – the Old Testament is rife with tales of how God, the Ultimate Male Figure, punished humans by infesting them with locusts, droughts, fires, famines, floods etc. etc. – and trickled down to rulers, army commanders, politicians, priests, slave owners and most males who held any position of power whatsoever all over the planet.

Ever since Males became the Dominant Power on our Planet (read Trouble in Paradise for a glimpse of how that came about) up till our present, it is still men who exert that enormous power, even though ancient and modern history has given us quite a few powerful and ruthless women.

Sometime in the 60’s and 70’s, and in one of those collective “aha” moments, it dawned on women that in order to change males so as to strive for a fairer and more equitable society, we would need to change ourselves, the females, and how we raise our men. Hence, progressive, educated and enlightened women – a minority on our planet – began that process.

What did we do that was different from our grandmothers and mothers? Well, we began by paying equal attention to our sons and daughters. That did not generally occur as I was growing up when mothers, as well as daughters of a household, paid special attention to the boys while, basically, ignoring the girls. Hence, my mothering style, and that of some mothers across the planet, required of boys, as a simple example, to have household chores, and not only “guy” tasks such as mowing the lawn, washing the car etc. We demanded that boys and girls take equal turns vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher, setting the dinner table, changing their siblings diaper etc. Had my great-grandmother, or maybe even my mother or grandmother, for instance, seen my son performing any of these chores she would have slapped her bosom and wailed: I don’t understand this stupid modernism where men have to do women’s work! What is the world coming to?! And, of course, we would have never heard the end of this as it got repeated to anyone who would listen at which they would all nod and slap their bosoms, or cheeks, or foreheads and utter all the “niceties” about my “modern generation!” Ah, well! Then we insisted that our girls, same as our boys, graduate from higher education academies in what were until then predominantly male professions: medicine and engineering, sciences and law and that they then had to go to work. Again, my great-grandmother, or even grandmother, would have said: why waste all that effort and money? She’ll get married soon and then what for is all of this? There were, also, some husbands in my generation who refused to allow their wives to raise their sons in an “untraditional” way and no length of argument could have changed their mind. There are, of course, many other examples that I am sure you can think of. However, the fact remains that millennia of conditioning cannot be reversed in one generation!

Nevertheless, those sons who were brought up by progressive, enlightened and educated mothers together with their supporting husbands, grew up to be very fine men – well, most of them did anyway – and specifically those living in families and communities where the societal expectations and role-models were conducive to accepting and encouraging such changes. These are the sensitive, loving, understanding men who know that while they have different strengths and attributes than their wives, also acknowledge her assets and strengths and treat her respectfully and equally.

The problems arise when confident, assertive women raised in egalitarian families marry men who were reared in the male-centered methods of past generations. What a clash that can cause! It is, in fact, at the core of most divorces, and a cause for consternation among many of my female friends.

This brings us to some women who, in wanting to raise democratic families, were either too radical, or over-zealous, or were carrying too much baggage from their own upbringing and, therefore, proceeded to punish their husbands and sons for all the infractions and injustices of the male species throughout the centuries! My, oh my! Another recipe for many divorces and for emotionally damaged sons and daughters! Unfair! Unjust!

Then there are women who insist on this fifty-fifty formula regarding Everything in their households. I like shared responsibilities; I am all for equal duties and I totally support a division of family tasks. However, I feel that in some households this has become somewhat ridiculous and carried to extremes. Balance and fairness are fundamental requirements in any successful partnership. Moreover, in intimate relationships, these must be rendered with love, affection, good communication and respect.

Men: I believe that many of you these days are at a loss on how to conduct yourselves within your relationships. You are befuddled and torn between those macho images, that John Wayne swaggering he-man, that over-Powering Dominant ruler who is to be feared, and the gentle, compassionate, respectful, democratic and loving partner, who communicates intelligently, listens intently and has enough confidence in his own skin not to be threatened by a successful partner, or a hormonal wife!

And, you, modern, liberated, educated and successful women, please do make reasonable allowances for all those centuries of male domination and don’t twist your knickers and have a conniption if he forgets that damned toilet seat up, or have a snit if he prefers to watch the game tonight rather than one of your sob-story movies!

Relationship discussions and male roles are complicated subjects that cannot be covered in one blog post, article, or even in a book! Each situation is unique and every couple has to deal with their own particular issues. And, the fact that practicing equality and justice within relationships is a fairly new phenomenon means that it will take generations yet to bring it about. In the meantime we should all – males and females – keep a Balanced and Reasonable Perspective so that we may be able to raise healthy and well-adjusted future generations. Our world sorely needs those!

Men! For those of you who still insist on that Powerful Warrior and Intimidating Male version of bygone days: get up to speed, will you? The clock of history goes forward, not backward, and whether you approve or not, your own daughters will not go back either, let alone your partners!

As for the rest of you, I salute, respect and love all of you who are willing to adapt to these terrific, though daunting, and changing times.

Cataclysmic societal and relationship changes are rarely easy to deal with! They have to happen, though, and it will eventually all balance out. After all, we are all striving for a better, more peaceful and just world for everyone!

And as the great Omar Khayyam said:

“Ah Love! Could thou and I with Fate conspire

To grasp this sorry Scheme of Things entire,

Would not we shatter it to bits – and then

Remold it nearer to the Heart’s Desire!”

 

We are all Adapting and Changing! It is not an easy assignment!

Men . . . Men! Be up to the challenge for, trust me; we women need you just as much as you need us.