Sorrow & Torment

Frankly, I just wanted to publish an empty page today, because that’s how empty, hollow, drained, sorrowful and exasperated I feel! What can one say that hasn’t been said, felt, expressed? I know that it will be over at some point. I know that! I am sure of it! So are you who are reading this! But witnessing it on a daily and hourly basis is agonizing, disheartening, disappointing and removes all the colors from my life leaving a drab, dismal scene of Horrors beyond Anything that I have ever witnessed in my eighty-two years of life on this Planet!

So I decided not to listen, or watch The Damn News, nor subject myself to The Daily Unfolding Drama In The White House Theater where this Administration with all its Executive Orders, New Fiats and its Budget is saying in Plain English: We are the White, Christian Supremacists and all of you Black, Brown and Purple Humans shall become Poorer, More Downtrodden, More Compliant and More Miserable! What could be More Undemocratic, More Unjust and More Arrogant than this?? So, instead of dwelling on this Dire Reality, I logged on to my DVR and decided to watch one of the FBI series that I usually tape. And, as I was watching, I was wondering who raises my blood pressure more: The Damn News, or Dick Wolf, the Genius Producer/Writer of the FBI and L&O series both of which I love? Probably both! However, at least with Dick Wolf I get the satisfaction and pleasure of knowing that the Bad Guys Were Caught, and that our Law Enforcement are Executing Their Job with Professionalism, Integrity and Diligence unlike most of the Disgraceful Political Leaders and Other Authorities on our Planet who seem to be driving us to a hell of their own making!! Fuck them all!

Aside from all the Disgraceful Leaders on this Miserable Planet, there are two who are exasperating the whole world: Donald Trump and Benjamin Netanyahu both of whom have Gone Totally Rogue perhaps not realizing – or not caring – that Running Rogue is not Policy, and that Smashing Everything In Sight is not Politics! No, it is Not The Golden Age of America that Trump is Promising! Not at all! It is, rather, The Dark Ages of America! And I am not believing that this is the Horrid reality! How could it be? How have all those Aspirational Ideals and Values been made to Vanish? What Lawless World are we living in? Or, has it always been so and Trumpism has simply Exposed it and taken all the Masks, all the Illusions off? So Unbelievable! So Surreal!

As I mentioned, I watched shows that I have taped, especially as I simply cannot stand the totally Inane, Shrill and Mundane Advertisements! No Originality! None Whatsoever! And, while I am skipping over the ads, I glance at the TV and wonder what Merchandizing Department has come up with all those Ludicrous Drug Names? They are Absolutely Terrible! Madison Avenue Corporate Heads should all be Fired! Moreover, Dogs and Cats, we are told by the stupid advertisers, need to eat Healthful Foods, but You and I can continue eating the Toxin-filled Industrial Foods peddled by the Greedy, Unconscionable Food Corporations! Unbelievable!

So, other than watching my shows in order to escape my Sorrow & Torment, I cook! Today I am making Lenten Cauliflower Makloobeh (Pilaf). This dish, like so many others, always makes me think of my Mother and My Grandmothers. This is not only because they made the most delicious Makloobeh – amongst all their exquisite meals! – but because I feel them looking over my shoulder as I’m preparing it and whispering amongst themselves in total disbelief: She calls this Makloobeh? Tsk! Tsk! Here’s how I make it: I core the cauliflower and separate the florets, place them in a cooking pan, baste them with a mix of olive oil, salt and pepper and bake them at 425 degrees until they are browned. Meanwhile, and in a pot, I sauté an onion until it is slightly browned and rinse my rice. Once the florets are done I dump them on top of the onion, empty a pack, or two (depending on the amount of rice I’m using) of chicken broth, add salt, pepper and lots of cinnamon, the rinsed rice and cook until rice is done, scoop the mix onto a platter and serve! One hour, or so! Voila! All done! I serve Organic Meatballs on the side and a salad. Now My Mother and Grandmothers never served this as Lenten. They cooked the dish with chunks of lamb meat (some Palestinians I know use chicken pieces) and used that broth as their base, they deep fried the cauliflower florets, added their spices and rice, when cooked they turned the pot upside down so that it came out like a cake, sprinkled the top with fried pine nuts and Voila after three hours, or so! No wonder they were looking disdainfully over my shoulder! It is like that with most of the Palestinian dishes I make these days: shortcuts and expediency! Definitely not as Delicious! Moreover, their dishes Consistently Tasted The Exact Same, whilst mine are hardly ever Consistent! I Marvel at how these Wonderful Women Did That? I really do!

Another thing I did as I avoided The Damn News, and being that we were commemorating Memorial Day this week was to read over my post from April 15, 2014. It remains as poignant and true today as it was when I wrote it tearing up and inviting more Sorrow & Torment!! Sad!

And, lastly, adapting my own words at the end of that essay as they pertain to Gaza and the Palestinian Humans: may every leader and politician never have a day of peace, or a night free of as ghastly nightmares as they are making mine!